I Dont Know What To Say...

[23:54] tj: i talked to sgt grahm today, he decides where you go, if you reinlist and such. ive been having alot of thoughts that i havnt had since middle school lately, and i am torn between two options. option one, i get out, do not act on my thoughts and impulses, and go to school, live happily ever after. option two, i go to the 03XX field. become a grunt. train for a year, join a sniper platoon, if i live after the next three to four years, ill be picked up by the cia or (preferably) some black opps organization. either play the "daddys going to work now kids, love you hunny" (daddy kills people secretly for a job) or dissapear completely. i havnt chosen yet, but i know the three people i need to talk to to get that far.
[23:54] tj: i still have 4 months to decide before the recon indoc training course picks up again
[23:55] mercury434: ...
[23:56] tj: i told you, and i warned you, you know who i am, physically. im not right, and im not who i want to be.
[23:56] tj: i still love you, thats the only thing straying my hand from the paperwork
[23:56] tj: if i know that youre happy, that decides who i become
[23:57] mercury434: ...
[23:57] mercury434: what do you want to do?
[23:57] tj: what do i want to do? good question. i want to be happy, but i want you to be happy. two different possible outcomes
[23:57] mercury434: dont worry about me
[23:58] mercury434: what do YOU want?
[23:58] tj: i dont know yet. and its not my choice to decide, not entirely. i would love either future. equally. id get the same enjoyment from both. my only decision, is you
[23:59] mercury434: whether or not we are going to have what we have been talking about for the last 8 months....
[00:00] mercury434: whether or not jayden will exist. whether or not im enough
[00:01] tj: weather or not i will make you happy and be the man you expect me to be
[00:02] mercury434: i dont expect you to be anyone. i dont expect anything from you. i dont require you to be someone you arent or do something you dont want to.
[00:02] mercury434: i want you to do what you want to do
[00:03] mercury434: i want you to pick whats most important to you
[00:03] tj: i want to do what i want to do, but i dont at the same time. if i do, it means two things, a future without you, or with you in the dark, and certain death.
[00:09] mercury434: ...
[00:09] mercury434: what are you going to do?
[00:10] tj: i dont know yet. i have a few weeks to think. im going to take this weekend and go on a hike to the top of the mountain and think. i should only be a few days, if i leave fri afternoon.
[00:10] mercury434: ...alrighrt
[00:10] mercury434: *alright
[00:11] tj: i cant say what i want to do, but i will say that you are my deciding factor. i know this is alot for you, and im sory, but like i said, this effects you the most. really, it only effects you, and the possibility of jayden
[00:14] tj: i guess what im trying to tell you after all this, is that even tho i cant show you or tell you enough, you will never truely understand how much you mean in my life, for my life. you could never speak to me again, or never stop speaking, and i would feel indifferent, as long as i knew that you were where you wanted to truely be and with whom you needed to be with
[00:15] mercury434: i dont know what to say...
[00:15] tj: you dont need to say anything
[00:16] mercury434: you'll let me know when you make a decision?
[00:16] tj: youll be the first
[00:16] mercury434: okay
[00:17] mercury434: this changes a lot. you know that
[00:18] tj: for what?
[00:18] mercury434: for how i think about things. how i look at my future. how i look at our future
[00:19] tj: i c
[00:20] mercury434: see for me it was set. we were set. that part of my future was secure.
[00:20] mercury434: i was going to be with you
[00:20] mercury434: i was going to marry you
[00:20] mercury434: i was going to have a child with you
[00:21] mercury434: this changes that. because if youre not sure i cant be either
[00:22] mercury434: does that make sense
[00:22] mercury434: ?
[00:22] tj: yes. it does. im sorry
[00:22] mercury434: dont apologize please
[00:22] mercury434: if this is what you want then this is something you should do
[00:22] tj: why not, i threw a wrentch in your axle
[00:23] mercury434: everything changes
[00:23] mercury434: nothing and noone is an exception
[00:23] mercury434: including us
[00:23] tj: see thats just it, its not just my shit that changes, its yours too
[00:24] mercury434: i know
[00:24] mercury434: and you should take that into consideration
[00:24] mercury434: dont waste an opportunity simply because we might be
[00:25] tj: both are opportunities, i just dont know what one to choose
[00:25] mercury434: i cant help you with that
[00:25] tj: i know.
[00:26] mercury434: i guess just remember i love you....
[00:27] tj: i do, and i love you. you dont have to remember that, i hope your heart will know that and you wont have to remember it