Another Year Gone

hmmmmm New Years Eve!

Beautiful weather

Tons of people

Great Everything

So why am I not so happy?

I guess ill just have to see what the night has in store!

Have a Great Night!

Hearts

Country . . .

God Its Good To Be Around Country Boys Again!

The music, the jokes, the bodies, everything! its all good and they're all right here in GJ!
I just wish I saw more of them, on a regular basis (yes I meant that in two distinctly different ways)

Hmmm Hmmmm

:D

Developement

Constant, steady;
Always, forever;
Words, words
Without truth.

They shift,
Change, alter,
Become different
Every moment.

Nothing, nothing
Is forever and
Always becomes
Never. Never

Is truth told
Or promises kept.
Never is one
Person honest,

With themselves
Or others.
But never
Shifts also;

Becoming sometimes,
And maybe
Nothing changes
Into something.

These words
Hold no ground;
Only false
Impressions and

Consequences, that
Affect the truth
In all people
And spoken thoughts.

Oops

Im sooooo Grounded

Stuff

wow i uhhhh sounded like a love sick puppy in my last post.
dont get me wrong i love tyler but wow...
i have no intension of becoming a mother, or wife any time soon, its not in the plan.
anyway everything has been pretty chill
yesterday was Chelsea's birthday! we hung out, went shopping, watched movies, played pool, had cake AND cupcakes, toasted her, and just joked around a lot.
all in all it was a fantastic day
i saw Sweeney Todd the other day! so much blood, killing, and deceit! in other words perfectly wretched! i loved it and am pretty much in love with Johnny Depp - hes a god! Mrs. Lovette was amazing as well - i want to be her for halloween! it would be incredible. and the music was awesome! i will have to have the soundtrack
ummmmm yeah.
i want to play some pool tonight! yay!
hopefully ill get to...
give me a call, or text, or IM, or whatever....
hit me up peoples - lets chill!

Tyler

i finally got to be alone with Tyler yesterday.
we went to lunch, wrapped presents, then he dropped me off at my grandparents and returned two hours later to play Apples to Apples with my mom, sister, cousin, grandmother and i! they love him. as they should he's truly incredible. we have spent a lot of time talking about our future as well. the thought of Jayden becomes more tangible every time i see and talk to Tyler. i honestly dont know how it wont happen someday. we talked about Malachi a lot last night too. Katie gave him up for adoption without telling him. He misses him so much. he would have adopted him, he would have taken great care of him, he loved him. but katie took that away from him! it isnt fair. honestly i would have helped tyler with Malachi, adopted him eventually. the fact that tyler loved him so much made me love him too. i would have loved to be his mother. and i know that we would have been a great family. but tyler is right about us not having to rush, we have all the time in the world to become a family. and Malachi has a mother and a father now, instead of just Tyler, who would have raised him alone until we could be together. 10 years of college ahead of us both, longer for tyler and he still has a tour left, in Afghanistan or Iraq, depending on when he ships out. itll be another 18 months before he comes home again.
anyway back to last night.
afterwards we went to rabbits and chilled there. we looked through pictures, videos and listened to stories about Iraq. i hadnt really heard anything about it. rabbit and Tyler seemed to get along really well. Tyler likes him, thinks he should "respect" me more, based on recent events, but thinks hes an all around good guy. i want him to meet the rest of my friends, i trust him and his opinion more than any other.
in other news christmas has been great! so many books to read, and so many movies to watch! im excited to see my friends again though.
yall should call me laterz if you like!
im off to watch a movie with my sister!
ttfn!

A Side Note

the irony is that i'm crying as i write this. . .

i miss the water!

i miss the Aegean

i miss the beaches of Greece.

and the view of the Atlantic from the plane.

i miss the Sunrise i watched from the ferry on my way to Greece.

i miss the harbor outside Naples.

and watching the fireworks reflect in the water outside the convent.

i miss the rain in Paris.

and the gargoyles that spout water from Notre Dame.

i miss the fountains at Versailles

and watching the waves crash against the coast of Italy.

i miss the canals of Venice.

and the Trevi Fountain.

I miss how the sky and the Sea seem to expand forever.

and how the world seemed so pure.

i cant even explain why...

but i miss the water...

Its Signed and Everything!

Tyler (TJ) is home! i have seen him once and talked to him more times than i can count. i missed him so much! just having him in town makes me happy. :D
oddly enough i have spent more time with sean and others than i have with him. but Tyler is a busy guy. after 2 years of not being here its a wonder i have seen him at all. i am not going to remind him of any particular people he is not fond of, he may do serious damage. i just dont want him to get hurt in the process. i would feel awful if he was in pain.
Sean and i have been chillin a lot lately. its been nice trying to get back to normal. we hung out today, he was invited to the Cabaret with my family. Scrooge was playing and i have a picture of Sean and I with the cast! hehehehe ill probably use it as blackmail.
you know i hope that Kyra appreciates what she has. Sean is a great guy who doesnt deserve to be hurt again. its rather noble the way he talks about second chances and everyone changes; its one of things that im "attracted" to within him.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve...
this is the first Christmas i have ever had to split between my parents. its weird all this time i wanted them divorced. ever since i can remember - they really arent compatible. but i never realized how it would affect me and the way i live. now im celebrating Christmas twice at two different houses, and playing middle man to my parents. running their errands, being their go between. it sucks really. but what can you do?

anyway...
im off to read and try and enjoy the rest of my night.
laterz yall and if you have anything you want to address me about - hit me up on myspace or leave a comment.
ttyl
Lauren

Darkest of Halls

He sinks into his haven,
Reviving the agony and
Contemplating the consequences
Of the imminent circumstances.

This chamber stimulates his faith
In all he believes to be reasonable.
It has been a muse, a guardian
And his most trusted adviser.

This calm, quiet, subdued corridor
Provides light within the darkest of shadows
And now he is engulfed in nothing but onyx.
Within this sacred space he discovers his refuge;

It is in this place that he retreats in need,
After every mind numbing moment,
During all times of confusion, and
Before seeking answers and worlds unknown.

And it is here, within this dark hallway,
That the young man kneels; praying
For the souls of those surrounding him,
And for that sweet elixir to bring hope

Once more.




Inspired by Sean

Apology, Reason, and Right

my last blog may have been a little unsavory to say the least.
what i really dont want is my information used against other people.
so when someone i dont know or a person who is no longer my friend uses that information to hurt my friends or me i tend to react. i was some what in the right, but i should not have threatened her.i refuse to delete it however. i dont regret posting it and i dont regret saying what i said. however i should have addressed the issue in person. i apologize for my behavior, but i did have a reason to say what i said. and i have multiple people ready to back me up on that.
have a great day and ill post last nights activities later.

For Someone Specific

Hmmmm this message is for those of you who read my blog for the information to use against me factor....

RACHELLE!

hi sweetie... how are you?
yes i am targeting you.
next time you read my blog and use my own PERSONAL information to use against my FRIENDS ill see that you regret it. yes that is a threat and yes i will follow through with it. What Sean and i did was OUR business....not yours and if he wanted to tell Kyra that was HIS business again not yours. (yes i do realize that i post my own information on my blog that is on the internet but YOU should not be informing people on matters you don't understand). so please don't make matters any more complicated. oh and Skyler and i aren't talking and thats what he wants... so there you go. stop worrying about it. thanks. good night.

YAY

TJ IS COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thats all!
:D

News and Such

so....
i broke up with brandon
started dating sean...who in return dropped me to go back to kyra (his ex)
fought hard core with rabbit. we made up recently
and huge news i uhhhh broke my moral code.
i slept with sean.
and well long story short its possible i could be pregnant.
however i have taken all sorts of precautions to fix that.
having a kid is so not in my list of things to do. or the plan set for my life at all.
anyway.
finals this week
yay for too much fucking studying!
winter break is coming up
my parents are fighting - an official divorce is in the future i guess.
we wont be spending christmas together.
and ill be going back and forth a lot more.
anyway yeah so im going to go make myself busy.
ttyl all!

/Me Kicks Self

How FUCKING STUPID could i possibly be!?!

Friends and Concerts

so in my world making up with one person means losing another.
Sean and I are cool. better than that but i wont go into detail.
Brandon and I are over.
Brittany, Derek, Chelsea, oddly enough Sadie, and I are all relatively good. the Sadie thing is weird but we will see what happens.
Robert and I are not so great. . . i dont know what to do but this isnt my thing. so i guess im just going to leave him alone and pretend everything is okay. whatever.

so college is coming up. and im getting more prepared everyday. next year i will (hopefully) be in Denver, attending an amazing school and hanging out with Sean, Matt, and others who will be going to school close by. ill be attending concerts as often as i like.
speaking of concerts heres my list as of right now. it will changed as bands launch new tours:

One Republic - January 18 (maybe its a Fri) at the Gothic.
Zelazowa, Autumns Chase, Riverseed - January 25 at Mesa Theater.
Marilyn Manson - February 13 (maybe its a Wed) at the Fillmore.
Angels and Airwaves - March 3 (maybe its a Mon) at the Ogden.
Matchbox Twenty - March 5 (maybe its also a Wed) in Broomfield.

we'll see if i can go to them all. or any of them really. let me know if your interested in going and maybe we can set something up.
ttfn