Another Year Gone

hmmmmm New Years Eve!

Beautiful weather

Tons of people

Great Everything

So why am I not so happy?

I guess ill just have to see what the night has in store!

Have a Great Night!

Hearts

Country . . .

God Its Good To Be Around Country Boys Again!

The music, the jokes, the bodies, everything! its all good and they're all right here in GJ!
I just wish I saw more of them, on a regular basis (yes I meant that in two distinctly different ways)

Hmmm Hmmmm

:D

Developement

Constant, steady;
Always, forever;
Words, words
Without truth.

They shift,
Change, alter,
Become different
Every moment.

Nothing, nothing
Is forever and
Always becomes
Never. Never

Is truth told
Or promises kept.
Never is one
Person honest,

With themselves
Or others.
But never
Shifts also;

Becoming sometimes,
And maybe
Nothing changes
Into something.

These words
Hold no ground;
Only false
Impressions and

Consequences, that
Affect the truth
In all people
And spoken thoughts.

Oops

Im sooooo Grounded

Stuff

wow i uhhhh sounded like a love sick puppy in my last post.
dont get me wrong i love tyler but wow...
i have no intension of becoming a mother, or wife any time soon, its not in the plan.
anyway everything has been pretty chill
yesterday was Chelsea's birthday! we hung out, went shopping, watched movies, played pool, had cake AND cupcakes, toasted her, and just joked around a lot.
all in all it was a fantastic day
i saw Sweeney Todd the other day! so much blood, killing, and deceit! in other words perfectly wretched! i loved it and am pretty much in love with Johnny Depp - hes a god! Mrs. Lovette was amazing as well - i want to be her for halloween! it would be incredible. and the music was awesome! i will have to have the soundtrack
ummmmm yeah.
i want to play some pool tonight! yay!
hopefully ill get to...
give me a call, or text, or IM, or whatever....
hit me up peoples - lets chill!

Tyler

i finally got to be alone with Tyler yesterday.
we went to lunch, wrapped presents, then he dropped me off at my grandparents and returned two hours later to play Apples to Apples with my mom, sister, cousin, grandmother and i! they love him. as they should he's truly incredible. we have spent a lot of time talking about our future as well. the thought of Jayden becomes more tangible every time i see and talk to Tyler. i honestly dont know how it wont happen someday. we talked about Malachi a lot last night too. Katie gave him up for adoption without telling him. He misses him so much. he would have adopted him, he would have taken great care of him, he loved him. but katie took that away from him! it isnt fair. honestly i would have helped tyler with Malachi, adopted him eventually. the fact that tyler loved him so much made me love him too. i would have loved to be his mother. and i know that we would have been a great family. but tyler is right about us not having to rush, we have all the time in the world to become a family. and Malachi has a mother and a father now, instead of just Tyler, who would have raised him alone until we could be together. 10 years of college ahead of us both, longer for tyler and he still has a tour left, in Afghanistan or Iraq, depending on when he ships out. itll be another 18 months before he comes home again.
anyway back to last night.
afterwards we went to rabbits and chilled there. we looked through pictures, videos and listened to stories about Iraq. i hadnt really heard anything about it. rabbit and Tyler seemed to get along really well. Tyler likes him, thinks he should "respect" me more, based on recent events, but thinks hes an all around good guy. i want him to meet the rest of my friends, i trust him and his opinion more than any other.
in other news christmas has been great! so many books to read, and so many movies to watch! im excited to see my friends again though.
yall should call me laterz if you like!
im off to watch a movie with my sister!
ttfn!

A Side Note

the irony is that i'm crying as i write this. . .

i miss the water!

i miss the Aegean

i miss the beaches of Greece.

and the view of the Atlantic from the plane.

i miss the Sunrise i watched from the ferry on my way to Greece.

i miss the harbor outside Naples.

and watching the fireworks reflect in the water outside the convent.

i miss the rain in Paris.

and the gargoyles that spout water from Notre Dame.

i miss the fountains at Versailles

and watching the waves crash against the coast of Italy.

i miss the canals of Venice.

and the Trevi Fountain.

I miss how the sky and the Sea seem to expand forever.

and how the world seemed so pure.

i cant even explain why...

but i miss the water...

Its Signed and Everything!

Tyler (TJ) is home! i have seen him once and talked to him more times than i can count. i missed him so much! just having him in town makes me happy. :D
oddly enough i have spent more time with sean and others than i have with him. but Tyler is a busy guy. after 2 years of not being here its a wonder i have seen him at all. i am not going to remind him of any particular people he is not fond of, he may do serious damage. i just dont want him to get hurt in the process. i would feel awful if he was in pain.
Sean and i have been chillin a lot lately. its been nice trying to get back to normal. we hung out today, he was invited to the Cabaret with my family. Scrooge was playing and i have a picture of Sean and I with the cast! hehehehe ill probably use it as blackmail.
you know i hope that Kyra appreciates what she has. Sean is a great guy who doesnt deserve to be hurt again. its rather noble the way he talks about second chances and everyone changes; its one of things that im "attracted" to within him.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve...
this is the first Christmas i have ever had to split between my parents. its weird all this time i wanted them divorced. ever since i can remember - they really arent compatible. but i never realized how it would affect me and the way i live. now im celebrating Christmas twice at two different houses, and playing middle man to my parents. running their errands, being their go between. it sucks really. but what can you do?

anyway...
im off to read and try and enjoy the rest of my night.
laterz yall and if you have anything you want to address me about - hit me up on myspace or leave a comment.
ttyl
Lauren

Darkest of Halls

He sinks into his haven,
Reviving the agony and
Contemplating the consequences
Of the imminent circumstances.

This chamber stimulates his faith
In all he believes to be reasonable.
It has been a muse, a guardian
And his most trusted adviser.

This calm, quiet, subdued corridor
Provides light within the darkest of shadows
And now he is engulfed in nothing but onyx.
Within this sacred space he discovers his refuge;

It is in this place that he retreats in need,
After every mind numbing moment,
During all times of confusion, and
Before seeking answers and worlds unknown.

And it is here, within this dark hallway,
That the young man kneels; praying
For the souls of those surrounding him,
And for that sweet elixir to bring hope

Once more.




Inspired by Sean

Apology, Reason, and Right

my last blog may have been a little unsavory to say the least.
what i really dont want is my information used against other people.
so when someone i dont know or a person who is no longer my friend uses that information to hurt my friends or me i tend to react. i was some what in the right, but i should not have threatened her.i refuse to delete it however. i dont regret posting it and i dont regret saying what i said. however i should have addressed the issue in person. i apologize for my behavior, but i did have a reason to say what i said. and i have multiple people ready to back me up on that.
have a great day and ill post last nights activities later.

For Someone Specific

Hmmmm this message is for those of you who read my blog for the information to use against me factor....

RACHELLE!

hi sweetie... how are you?
yes i am targeting you.
next time you read my blog and use my own PERSONAL information to use against my FRIENDS ill see that you regret it. yes that is a threat and yes i will follow through with it. What Sean and i did was OUR business....not yours and if he wanted to tell Kyra that was HIS business again not yours. (yes i do realize that i post my own information on my blog that is on the internet but YOU should not be informing people on matters you don't understand). so please don't make matters any more complicated. oh and Skyler and i aren't talking and thats what he wants... so there you go. stop worrying about it. thanks. good night.

YAY

TJ IS COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thats all!
:D

News and Such

so....
i broke up with brandon
started dating sean...who in return dropped me to go back to kyra (his ex)
fought hard core with rabbit. we made up recently
and huge news i uhhhh broke my moral code.
i slept with sean.
and well long story short its possible i could be pregnant.
however i have taken all sorts of precautions to fix that.
having a kid is so not in my list of things to do. or the plan set for my life at all.
anyway.
finals this week
yay for too much fucking studying!
winter break is coming up
my parents are fighting - an official divorce is in the future i guess.
we wont be spending christmas together.
and ill be going back and forth a lot more.
anyway yeah so im going to go make myself busy.
ttyl all!

/Me Kicks Self

How FUCKING STUPID could i possibly be!?!

Friends and Concerts

so in my world making up with one person means losing another.
Sean and I are cool. better than that but i wont go into detail.
Brandon and I are over.
Brittany, Derek, Chelsea, oddly enough Sadie, and I are all relatively good. the Sadie thing is weird but we will see what happens.
Robert and I are not so great. . . i dont know what to do but this isnt my thing. so i guess im just going to leave him alone and pretend everything is okay. whatever.

so college is coming up. and im getting more prepared everyday. next year i will (hopefully) be in Denver, attending an amazing school and hanging out with Sean, Matt, and others who will be going to school close by. ill be attending concerts as often as i like.
speaking of concerts heres my list as of right now. it will changed as bands launch new tours:

One Republic - January 18 (maybe its a Fri) at the Gothic.
Zelazowa, Autumns Chase, Riverseed - January 25 at Mesa Theater.
Marilyn Manson - February 13 (maybe its a Wed) at the Fillmore.
Angels and Airwaves - March 3 (maybe its a Mon) at the Ogden.
Matchbox Twenty - March 5 (maybe its also a Wed) in Broomfield.

we'll see if i can go to them all. or any of them really. let me know if your interested in going and maybe we can set something up.
ttfn

Amends

im starting over yes again.
im hoping to make amends with a lot of people here soon.
i have an event planned and i hope that when word finally gets out about it that all invited will accept.
it should be a good time. new and old friends. groups mixing. im excited.
anyway im off to study because i cant sleep.
ttyl hearts

Suicide

i wonder if people ever notice the signs of a suicide?
the warning signs i mean.
they're usually there.
but even more than that i wonder if people can actually stop someone from committing suicide.
i mean someone who has been contemplating it for a while and has made up their mind.
if someone is truly determined to end their own life can you help them, stop them, change their mind, make them see they mean something to you? can you truly help people or do they just make their own decisions anyway?
i wish i knew.
i wish i knew that i could help someone.
but i dont think you can help someone who doesnt want to be helped.
im not contemplating suicide so dont freak on me.
im just wondering.
and im wondering because of a book i just read.
their are two main characters.
the guy who is listening to the tapes the last words of a girl he liked who committed suicide
and the girl who committed suicide.
throughout the book the reader gains perspective.
what rumors, and actions really do to people.
why reputation matters so much.
because if one guy hadnt ruined her, hadnt accused her of being a slut or told lies about her then all the events that followed over the course of 3 years may not have happened and the girl may no have committed suicide. and it wasnt because she wasnt strong or because she was weak it was because of the circumstances surrounding her. i dont know.
i believe everyone should read the book: thirteen reasons why.
and not just because it was one of the best books i have ever read but because it makes you think. i experienced the whole spectrum of emotions; anger, happiness, laughter, but above all sadness and tears.
i wanted to help her, i wanted the people mentioned to help her, but at the same time experiencing what she experienced and analyzing what she went through i couldnt help but think that there was no other way. i felt completely helpless and defeated.
i cant even really describe it well. i mean just writing about it is making me cry.
how do you help someone who doesnt want to be helped?
how do you fix a problem you cant identify.
the world is an awful place and for the most part its a struggle to get through a day. things happen and over time they build, and you need to end it some how. people deal with that differently. in my case im getting far away from this town. others choose a more permanent solution, suicide. and honestly yes its their action but at the same time did anyone try to help them? did they have anyone to turn to? what did their circumstances merit?
can you blame someone who was helpless, in desperate need of a hero, someone to rescue them?
if your best friend committed suicide, and you didnt know why, but you knew that no one could help them would you be angry at them? would you write them off? would you wonder why? would you care at all? or would you be so caught up in your own grief that you didnt really care why? how does anyone handle that? i thought that it was easy, that it was a permanent solution to a temporary problem but after this book, i know that some problems aren't temporary, that one event, one rumor, one action can ruin a persons hope, and desire to live.
everyone should read it.
everyone should reexamine their own lives and how they treat others.
everyone should try.
try to help
try to reach out
try to talk
just try.
i dont know what else to say . . .

Ahhhhhhhhhh!

College Applications are the bane of my existence!
its not the application part thats just mindless answer after answer...
its the essay part.

my latest undertaking is:
Sarah Lawrence. they want an analytical essay analyzing a piece of art or literature.
my topic assignment given to me by Mrs. Thompson (best teacher ever) is based on my AP Art History class and is as follows:

Trace the changes in Greek art from the Archaic period through the Hellenistic period, and relate them to the changes in social conditions and political standing.

good fun right?!?

yeah . . . so im going to get started i guess.

Hmmm Art History

so im applying to an internship at the Smithsonian! it should be pretty sweet and if i get it ill be almost guaranteed a place at Sarah Lawrence, just like if i was to get People to People Student Ambassador of the Year! i cant wait in less than a year i will be off at college hopefully at Sarah Lawrence, probably at Denver!
i am more sure everyday that i study art history that it is what i want to do. and i will go through my dissertation, 10 years of school and whatever else i have to do in order to end up either traveling for my specialty in architecture or as the curator of a museum like the Uffizi Gallery in Florence, Italy!
anyway im going to go read my text book!

Just Dont

im tired of being excluded.
tired of feeling left behind.
i wish that i had my best friend back.
and a group that i fit into.
tired of fighting people.
and really just frustrated that no matter what i do i cant seem to get it right.
honestly i wish i was out of this town.
i wish i was moving on.
i wish that people cared
and realized that of all the times to abandon me now this week is the worst.

PTPI

so my People to People application/essay has been sent off! cross your fingers!
/me crosses fingers and squeezes eyes shut making wish!
yeah i really hope i get it. its kind of the key to my entire future!
anyway im going to do some homework.
hit me up laterz

The Fifth of November . . .

Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I know of no reason
Why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent
To blow up King and Parliament.
Three-score barrels of powder below
To prove old England's overthrow;
By God's providence he was catch'd
With a dark lantern and burning match.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!


in my life news:
im dating Brandon officially. and we are perfect really. we are getting along and just genuinely enjoying eachothers company. its all good.
castro is home from the hospital and doing well. - YAY! =D
im trying to figure out what to do with Zach but if you dont know about that just ask.
other than that my life is falling back into place.
next week ill be staying with my mom, not a good time to be around my dad and all seeing as how well yeah.
anyway im better and just working on college applications and People to People stuff.
for the most part everything is great.

=D

I just dont know

okay so my life has once again crumbled beneath me.
go here http://gjhslibrary.blogspot.com/
to see one part of my life. one of my mentors, my second mom, my life line at GJHS. she has breast cancer and will be out for an entire month or longer. i honestly dont know how to function here without her.
other parts of my life are less significant but part of me none the less.
i dont know whats going on and for me not knowing is worse than knowing something terrible. i cant stay here anymore. i need out!
school
junction
work
even VI
im a disater and i need it all to be over.
im leaving now.

College!

ah
i am sooo not prepared for college!
i have yet to request my letters of recommendation!
i have yet to write my essays!
and i have yet to fill out my resume!
im pretty much screwed.
ahhhhh
yeah so for the next several weeks i will be home a lot.
doing the tasks i need to to secure my future!
but yall can still call and we can hang out just not as much!

oh and i was nominated as people to people student ambassador of the year! if i win i get to go on another trip for FREE!
how bad ass is that!

anyway im off to school.
ttyl
hearts hugs and kisses too!
LAurEn DiAne

Conversations

Chat 1 me and Skyler
[21:36] CupricReki: its so incredibly unfair to do this to a person
[21:36] LAurEn DiAne: yeah we established that
[21:37] CupricReki: i just see the world for being a better place than it realy is
[21:39] LAurEn DiAne: yeah you do
[21:39] CupricReki: i just wish he could relize what hes doing to her
[21:40] CupricReki: shes ganna be forever changed
[21:40] LAurEn DiAne: a lot of people are sky.
[21:40] LAurEn DiAne: daily
[21:40] CupricReki: but who the hell things they deserve the power to do that to someone?
[21:41] CupricReki: thinks*
[21:41] LAurEn DiAne: a lot of dad's husband's brother's a lot of peoples families spouses boyfriends...

i hate this time of year. when i remember everything so clearly. this isnt helping much. i mean i love my dad. i live with him we get along fine. hes a different person and so am i. i just i dont know. i havent forgotten and i dont think i ever will.

conversation 2 me and Rabbit
[21:41] [unclan] Rabbit: Hey, are you okay? You still didn't awnser my question in the first place
[21:41] LAurEn DiAne: im alright
[21:42] [unclan] Rabbit: :( You kinda have me worried
[21:42] LAurEn DiAne: just sky talking to me about his girls abusive father
[21:42] LAurEn DiAne: bad memories and shit
[21:43] [unclan] Rabbit: Yeah, is there anything I can do for you?
[21:43] LAurEn DiAne: but he doesnt understand that what she is going through now i went through years ago
[21:43] LAurEn DiAne: and it was worse
[21:43] [unclan] Rabbit: :(
[21:44] * [unclan] Rabbit wishes he could give lauren a hug right now :'(
[21:45] LAurEn DiAne: yeah i just want it to go away but i want to help him too. and her. but i cant face my past not yet. im suprised i can live with him. i guess i just understand that people change


[22:09] LAurEn DiAne: i just didnt want to think about any of that especially with nov coming up
[22:09] [unclan] Rabbit: :(
[22:10] LAurEn DiAne: its just hard living with him and paige pointed out that her bday is only 4 weeks away
[22:10] LAurEn DiAne: its so close two years now and still i can see it as if it were yesterday
[22:11] [unclan] Rabbit: It won't happen again
[22:12] LAurEn DiAne: i know but it still hurts
[22:12] LAurEn DiAne: and then sky talks about it like it doesnt happen all the time.
[22:12] LAurEn DiAne: he didnt even realize that it was hurting me
i just i dont know. i need sleep.
night

I Dont Know What I Want.

okay so i really dont know what i want!
i want to be with brandon and at the same time i really dont.
i want to go to go to CSU but at the same time i want to stay here.
i want to fly more than anything but that would mean joining an armed force.
i want to be seen as one of the elite but i dont want to act like them.
i want to be with tyler (TJ) but dont know if i can.
i want to be single and flirtatious but what are the implications of that?
i really just dont know what i want.

but i need to make decisions and fast.

if i get into CSU and get scholarships i will go. (i hope)
brandon is out of town so that gives me some time to really think.
and TJ wont be home for another month so i have time to think about that too.

now im going to go read and then its off to Naturita!
yay!

Kinda Whats Happened

im done with brandon - he has screwed another girl, told me to be with him, blown me off, and now he wants to figure out his gambling scheme instead of being with me. yeah i forgave him once and we spent days trying to figure this out then he thinks we shouldnt see eachother long term. screw him. i told him to get his crap together and then maybe maybe ill even talk to him. we'll see how that goes.

at like 2 this morning john banister asked me out. i agreed so we'll see what happens.

sky and i are great which makes me really happy! :D i missed hanging out with him.

the Zelazowa concert was freakin amazing! i loved it. the band hung out with us and what not. i got 2 drumsticks - from different bands, and like 4 picks all signed. it makes me happy.

anyway off to school where learning happens - kindaish. . .

<3

I Want to Fly That!

why did i have to be born with less than perfect vision? I want to fly soooo bad! and i want to fly the F-22 Raptor!

. . . I Feel . . .

Lost.

Music of the Moment

i think this song may be relevant to me in a major way sometime in the near future.

TIMBALAND LYRICS

"Apologize"



I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say
But I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say..

That it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that's nothing new)
Yeah yeah

I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue
And you say
Sorry like the Angel Heaven let me think was you,
But I'm afraid

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
Woahooo woah

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, a yeah

I'm holding your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground...

Just a Reminder to Me

"i see you and him being amazing friends. I am getting the vibe from him that he really really likes you, on the flip side i see you, who doesn't have it. the fact that you have to ask tells me that you want it to be there, and your trying to make it work. But there is something holding you back. whether its just that there is no spark or if its just your past that is providing this block. i don't know. i think your best course of action is to find out what is causing this uncertainty, if you know what it is then decide if you still want to pursue the "relationship" with him. if you do, make it clear to him how you feel. to prevent hurt down the road. if you can't figure it out, then id say just go with the flow and see what happens. if its meant to be, then it will work, if not then it wont. i am a strong believer in the "everything happens for a reason" ideal. just do what you gotta do and think long before you make your next move. before you hurt yourself or someone else."

does anyone agree?

Argg Matey!

so...today is national talk like a pirate day! yay! i wont do that through out this blog sorry!
things have been kinda crazy.
i have been hanging with a new group of people.
they are really cool and funny and nice and i like chillin with them.
although im catching some flack because most people dont like them.
they are the smart kids, the kids who win at everything, the valedictorian and that group. and for the most part other kids just dont like them. probably because they beat us at everything. but i like them and im pretty sure ill be spending a lot more time with them.
i have been spending a lot more time with skyler too. hes such a good guy. i like him a lot. we have been bad though like in denver (PR) we had one rule no boys in lauren's room and yeah sky spent two nights there, we didnt do anything but sleep but yeah. and then the other night at the LAN i slept in his bed and he joined me later. i think its just comforting. its nice to sleep next to him, he listens to me and comforts me and i do the same.
Rabbit and i are chill - we are spending loads of time together, chillin and hangin out. just being us.
brandon went back to St. George yesterday but he'll be back by Sunday if not sooner.
so yeah idk what else to say. i have ditched a lot of classes this year already mainly to work on Art History - which i am truly obsessed with.
life is calm and collected. im getting back into a grove and i like where my life is headed, i like who i have become over the last six months. now i just need to graduate!

The Storm Last Night . . .

was CRAZY
it actually woke me up at like 3a.m.!
im soooo tired! but in a good way!

Change . . .

why is it that people refuse to see change in others?
tonight bee and chels both looked at me like i was crazy because i wanted to go to the pep assembly and i wanted to participate in the game. (we lost btw).
im NOT the same person i was freshman year! im not angry and bitter, i wont hit you just cause i feel like it. i dont spar anymore, i dont use swords and knives dont effect me the way they used to.
people change.
im different.
stop treating me like im still a naive freshman.
i have learned and put it to good use.
i want to be part of the school.
i love junction high i know that makes me "strange" but at least i havent remained the same over the last few years.

why cant anyone let go of the past?

Deftones
"Change"



I've watched you change
Into a fly
I looked away
You were on fire
I watched a change
In you
It's like you never
Had wings
Now you feel
So Alive
I've watched you change
I took you home
Set you on the glass
I pulled off your wings
Then I laughed
I watched a change
In you
It's like you never
Had wings
Now you feel
So alive
I've watched you change
It's like you never
Had wings ahhh ahh ahhh
I look at the cross
Then I look away
Give you the gun
Blow me away
I've watched a change
In you
It's like you never
Had wings
Now you feel
So Alive
I've watched you change.
Now you feel Alive
You Feel Alive
I've watched you change
It's like you never
Had wings ahhh ahh ahhh

Its All Good

okay so i would like to update all on everything that has happened lately.
for the last month or so rabbit has been hurting me.
sometimes intentionally.
he has caused a lot of pain and distrust for me.
i have forgiven him however. did he hurt me - yeah. is it as easy to trust him - no. will he always be my best friend - of course.
when brandon slept with nina i was angry sure - did i forgive him - yeah.
the thing is . . . when brad hurt me rabbit picked up the pieces. he put me back together and i have been slowly mending myself over the last few months.
i have changed - i know that sounds idk how it sounds but its true. i feel different.
i feel oddly passive and i care a lot about people - everyone really.
i dont hold grudges anymore. for instance if brad were to call me asking for help or just wanting to talk i would help. i have forgiven him - for everything. all he did to me directly and all hes done since i hurt him, not only to me, but to him.
i have been talking to my sister and chillin with her - i even invited her to the blue october concert with me next month.
i guess my being more friendly has caused a little confusion though - my guy friends have all become "attracted" to me. i have had to tell like 4 guys that we are just friends that i dont want a boyfriend or any kind of relationship.
im really just not ready. i know that much about myself.
idk i just really like people in general and i try to get to know them. i have been doing what i feel is right and so far its working out great.
anyway yeah im doing good everything is back on track. im really really happy with my AP Art History class its perfection. and now more than ever im convinced thats what i want to study.
Rabbit and i are great! yay!
today was Orange and Black day at junction! the homecoming game is tonight! and homecoming is tomorrow.
im generally happy with life right now!
oh and i got fired at Genghis but it really doesnt bother me. i have way more time now though the moniez was good. oh well what can you do?!?
hearts all
*Squeegee*

ummmm yeah!

Brittany wrote "i know that this whole "dating" multiple people is what you want, but i think that the people that you're with don't really want that. they want exclusiveness. you may be ready for such a mature idea as dating more than one person with no "strings" attached, but most people our age aren't. and that is going to hurt them all (and you as well) in the long run."

I hope that that isnt true. but from what im experiencing it is. people dont seem as content as i thought they were. i dont know that i am either...

anyway im doing good. things have been happening. that promotes change which is good.
good stuff:
Rabbit and i are great! we talked and worked some stuff out and what not. everything there is great.
Skyler is my new favorite person! he makes everything better.
Ryan is great. he makes me happy and what not. a little off but i heart him.
Ryan B called me today! we talkedish and apparently he had a great time in China. we are going to hopefully set aside time to sit down and chat.
Tyler (TJ) and i have been talking somethings up but idk what. he'll be home soon and that makes me sooooo happy.
i love AP Art History my friends say im obsessed. . . maybe i am . . . *shifty eyes*

on the down side:
Sean i dont understand. one minute he likes hanging out with me. the next he cant stand me...idk whatever
Brandon is back and apologizing like usual i think he means it though. i think hes sorry about nina. and its not like we were like "together" idk its just im not comfortable with the whole him having sex with someone thing. i think ill just play it out see what happens.
i ditch too much school - homework is piling up and yeah i dont do it. everything but AP Art History sucks.

anyway yeah life is good.
upcoming:

homecoming

Concerts:
Zelazowa
Grotto
Autumn's Chase
Static-x
Blue October
Brand New
Say Anything
Trice
Shadows Fall
Yellowcard
Foo Fighters
Ozzy Osbourne
Rob Zombie
Avenged Sevenfold

and work...

That Feeling!

i love that feeling
that my throat hurts from screaming and singing
that my entire body hurts from the mosh
that my body is sticky and wet from the jumping and the heat
that i cant hear anything because the music was too loud
that im sooo hungry because i burned too many calories
that i just want to keep dancing, keeping hurting, keep screaming and singing!
that i just want to KEEP GOING!

i have experience this feeling like 3 times in the last 3 weeks! i cant wait to continue unfortunately it will have to wait a week for homecoming but then again there is music!!

i love concerts!

Who Needs Friends?

why is it that the people that say they care, say and do hurtful things?
im tired of feeling like i cant try and help without someone telling me to "just back off"
im tired of feeling like helping or trying to help isnt right any more.
like being friends with someone is useless and pointless.
maybe i should just not have friends right now.
i think ill go bury myself in art history
whatever i just i cant deal with this anymore.

This Weekend In A Nutshell:

Key words:
Squeegee
Sponge
Ring Out - yes from soul calibar 2
Knock Out - SC2 later on
Wind - again SC2
Pong
another game reference i cant recall at the moment
Mushy

Bands:
Through You - fucking awesome and new!
Neurosonic - weirdish but also cool
Flyleaf - amazing live! Lacy (lead singer)is pretty much the shit
Atreyu - moving up in my books after friday
Korn! - okay jonathan davis was awesome and major bonus points because joey - from slipknot - was drumming for them - and the amazing show they put on more on that later
last but not least!
EVANESCENCE - my theory that Amy Lee is a goddess has officially been confirmed! that was the most amazing thing in the world! it was yeah fucking awesome!

Covers:
Atreyu - "You Give Love A Bad Name" - by Bon Jovi - how odd is that?
Korn - "Another Brick In The Wall" - by Pink Floyd - different and awesome
Evanescence - "Stranger" - by the Doors - played on a grand piano solo by Amy Lee! sooo sweet!

Number of Laughs:
too many to count

Number of Freak Outs:
again too many to count - i was freaking out all day!

so that was basically the concert! if you have any questions feel free to ask.
now moving on to the last 2 days

Brandon got back into town from St. George! yay! we have been spending a lot of time just chillin out. yesterday we were all over the place.
My house
His house
Brian's house
Village Inn
Lynwood Park

today we:
drove to Gateway - not for anything in particular but fun and what not
went to see the Nanny Diaries! yay!
spent time in the dark hallway
he bought me my knee high leather boots!
Rabbits house - we watched Pirates of the Caribbean 1 and fixed myspace profiles
then went to Target - rabbit bought a lamp
went to see the Bourne Ultimatum (again i know)
then came home yay!

Rabbit is freaking out again
Levi is obsessing and wont leave me alone for a second
Brandon is leaving for SLC in 2 days (i think)
I want to hang with Blake sometime soon
Concert this weekend Projekt Revolution is going to KICK ASS!
I am already behind on my homework!
And im pretty much exhausted
I have school and work tomorrow! yay!
Now im going to sleep!
night yall

New Stuffz!

so family values tomorrow! Im sooooo excited! oh thunder! yay! anyway.
the last few days have been weird.
i met this kid ryan in my web design class; hes pretty bad ass.
anyway so yesterday or the day before i found out that his best friend is justin mercer! i have known justing forever he had this thing with my sister last year and i really just didnt take the time to get to know the kid. anyway him and ryan and i have been chillin and talking its been fun.
i got another job! i am now the night hostess at Genghis Grill! its going to suck having 2 jobs but i shall make it work! i think . . .
anyway in other news when i was partying with brad i told him that i was sick. he didnt believe me apparently. he had my cousin, aka one of his best friends, aka alex ask his mom johnna if i was actually sick! omfg how fucking paranoid can you be?!?
last night i called jeremy. i called to thank him for telling me the truth. about how im a selfish conceited liar. he told me the truth and i over reacted that night of the party. i thanked him and he got all weirded out and shit! it was funny.
anyway i met up with blake and them tonight and i still cant decide what to do with that kid. cuz chillin with him definitely has its possibilities and perks but it has its cons too.
my senior pictures are coming soon! im so excited for that!
oh and i went blonde ish btw! i have highlights in my hair its pretty sweet!
everyone likes it so...
i bought a new skirt i wore it to school today and i barely passed the length test! only like a centimeter past my thumbs! but hey i didnt get in trouble for it! yay!
its great i heart it.
ummmm i made up with chelsea and i have been talking to stephen and cindi a lot they seem to be pretty chill with me now! which is good i talk to stephen almost everyday. and cindi asked if we were cool today. so everything seems to be great!
except that whole homework thing yeah i should get to work on that! eh thats what study dates are for yay!
anyway yeah g2g
hearts!
LAurEn

Selfish Goddess

god i have to be the most selfish person in the world.
all im doing right now is hurting people.
im "dating"
i told rabbit and raven that i couldnt be with them.
now raven can only muster contempt and angry behavior toward me whenever we see each other.
and rabbit well if you havent read his blog he says everything is okay but its not. he still wants to be with me and all i do is rub my "dating" in his face.
what was i thinking that we could all be friends?
how could i ask so much of rabbit?
how could i ask him to be my best friend while i dated levi, brandon, and mike?
what is wrong with me?!?
why is it that all i can do is cause pain and agony in those around me?
no wonder brad didnt want me i probably did the same to him.
what i should do is just disappear.
but i cant do that can i?
no again im too selfish to leave my school, parents, friends, teachers, town, and home in order to spare those closest to me.
but i cant go on hurting them either.
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!
i dont know how to make rabbit better
i cant fix this on my own please someone tell me how!!!
im begging you tell me how to help.
please.

What Am I You Ask?

I AM
86%
OPTIMUS PRIMETake the Transformers Quiz


i know im soooo cool!
you know you love me!
heart to all!
love ya!

SCHOOL!

OMG IM SOOOOO EXCITED! SCHOOL IS STARTING! YAY!

The Next Two Weekends!

Family Values!
the plan:
Friday 24 of August
leave by 7:30a.m.
get to Idaho Springs by 11:00a.m.
eat Beau Jo's Pizza! yay!
go straight to concert!
spend all day listening to musix and chillin
spend the night at Bryson's house.
Saturday 25 of August
chill in Denver till like 1:00p.m. then head back home!

Projekt Revolution!
the plan:
Friday 31 of August
leave at 5p.m.
camp in Lake City or Dillion on the way to Denver
Saturday 1 of September
go to Rockies Game chill till late
possible night club outing?
Sunday 2 of September
Eliches? or other . . .
Monday 3 of August
CONCERT!
Tuesday 4 of August
drive home!

Projekt Revolution!

Projekt Revolution! the tickets came! its official Rabbit and I are going! yay! im soooooo excited!

in other news i have decided that that something i was going to try to get in my life again - yeah not going to happen. not even as an acquaintance. anyway thats it for now.
love yall

feeling:

i know i have become accustomed to not talking about how im feeling or whatever but im going to lay it all out today.
im frustrated. frustrated because i dont know how to fix anything.
my life seemed to be in some kind of order. i had new friends, and old ones, i was getting along with pretty much everyone. i was dating.
now i have something to worry about. i think.
it used to be a huge part of my life. a part that kind of fell apart. and over the last half year i have been trying to move on. i guess i cant though. the fact that i care obviously is holding me back. but i cant just stop caring either. if i have a chance to bring that something back into my life i think i might have to try. but that means changing my life.
with school coming up it shouldnt be hard. i can just throw myself into the work and the people. i guess ill see what happens with all the other aspects of my life.
right now i guess i just need to decide what i want.
im angry because that something removed itself from my life and now seems to think that its okay to come back.
im disappointed mainly in myself for wanting that thing back in my life.
im happy that that thing may be possible to obtain in the future.
im tired because im sick. i + sleep = now

100!

so my one hundredth post. yay!
what i have been up to lately!

school:
i registered! i have a fantastic schedule its just weird that i am a senior now.

reading:
Harry Potter #7
and ECLIPSE!

watching:
What I Like About You
Reba

movies:
Transformers - yes again 5 times now
Bourne Ultimatum - twice
Simpsons
Hot Rod - fantastic everyones should see it
300 - on DVD obviously

doctors visit:
lucky me i contracted a virus while in Europe! yay!
nothing serious but i have to stay inside for a while.
until friday at least.
i have a prescription for Vycadin! yay! drugs!

Brandon has already taken care of me kind of he brought me food anyway.
Levi i coming over tomorrow to chill.
I might go to Moab with Sean, Skyler, Lori, and Brian on Saturday hopefully.

now im going back to bed. night yall!

Desert = Teh FUN!

yeah so we went to the desert and drank. it was good fun. about 15 guys and 3 girls. yeah.
so rabbit got really really shit faced. he wont admit it but i will for him. he was crying and apologizing and shit. makes me lol now. hehehehe
i got pretty buzzed but didn't get drunk. i am not turning to the dark side! (so don't worry rhino)
it was all in good fun.
Brian idk about him. he was all jealous and shit the night of the party. mainly because of Blake. he took my beer told me he didn't want me to do something i didn't want to. the others gave me another. i felt like he was trying to protect me and i didn't need him too. i know how to take care of myself. i wasn't drunk. i was saying no to rum for god sake. i just felt like he didn't have a right to tell me what to do. hes not my father or my boyfriend. and i get that he was trying to make sure i was okay but idk.
i kissed Blake i was totally sober. yeah. idk what to do with him either.
yeah so . . . anyway.
I'm working now. at hot topic! yay! its the awesomez!
i saw the Bourne Ultimatum twice already.
with Sean and Brian and then with Levi.
i like hanging out with Sean. hes funny and cool idk just something about him. eh ill figure it out later.
Levi's cool i like him hes different outside my norm.
Mike left for Hawaii i saw him before he left. he was outside the norm too. i think i will continue getting to know him while hes away.
in case you didn't notice - i am dating. meaning i go on dates with people, like Levi. its not serious just fun. i get to know a lot of people and i don't have to worry about having a boyfriend. I'm technically single i just have dates. if that doesn't make sense to you let me know.
anyway yeah thats basically what i'm up to. i have to get ready for work. if you want to hang most of you have my number so give me a call.
<3>

Rabbit and Rav3n's List!

so rabbit and rav3n had some issues about the movie lists.
so they made their own last night.
here it is:
unbreakable, all x-men, all spiderman, sin city, transformers, 300, all fantastic 4, all superman, all batman, all james bond, hackers, tron, donnie darko, all star wars, aliens, star trek, matrix, war games, 23, pirates of silicon valley, all clerks, jay and silent bob, chasing amy, dogma, aristocats, jersey girls, office space, beavis and butthead, revenge of the nerds, LOTR, never ending story, brink, grimlins, all puppet master, shaun of the dead, hot fuzz, sword and the stone (original), fifth element, grandmas boy, toy soldiers, sneakers, labyrinth, deep blue sea, 2001, 2010, fight club, team america, evolution, x-files, nightmare before christmas, big fish, beetle juice, edward scissor hands, emporers new groove, shrek, mosters inc, finding nemo, all toy story, apocolypto, all jurassic park, all teenage mutant ninja turtles, jerry maguire, top gun, october skies, signs, village, lady in the water, v for vendetta, blood reign, all saw, all final destination, machinist, sixth sense, original omen, 28 days later, 28 weeks later, all of the . . . of dead, pulp fiction, little miss sunshine, kill bill, MIB, independence day, lord of the flies, terminator, scanner darkly, happy gilmore, billy madison, big daddy, mr. deeds, click, all mummy, con air, air plane, the rock, super troopers, beerfest, my big fat greek wedding, the prestige, dude wheres my car, new guy, mystery men, shindlers list, last samurai, pans labyrinth, waiting, rescuers down under, american tale, thumbalina, fern gully, all dogs go to heaven, homeward bound, sponge bob the movie, all austin powers.

and im sure there are more where that came from.

The Same

He loved her
Or so he said
Until that day
He brought her down
And took her soul.
He left her with nothing;

Not even hope.
Until you came;
You picked up the pieces.
You brought her back,
Built her up,
Became her everything.

Now you threaten her.
You dig harder, deeper;
Breaking her down.
Piece by agonizing piece,
Her walls are tumbling.
She wants to say something;

To make it stop.
But the further you dive,
The worse it feels.
You are destroying her;
The same as him
Leaving her with nothing.

Some Questions

Does love truly exist?
Or isit just in the imagination?
When do you know?
Everyone says it just happens
That you'll just know
But what if its an illusion?
What if someone wanted to love,
Wanted to so badly they fabricated it?
Made themselves feel it
Made themselves fall in love
Told themselves it was real.
Is it possible to give of oneself so completely?
To break down all natural barriers
All defenses and let someone in.
Could there really be another out there?
Someone who is perfect for that person in every way
Does everyone have a soul mate?
Does the soul even exist?
Is any of it possible?

Movie Nights!

the following lists are lists for movie nights! if whitney and i missed something let us know! if you want to make a list to be added go ahead and email it to me. anyway enjoy!

g33ks - hackers, tron, blade runner, 2001, donnie darko, hitchikers guide, star wars (all), terminator, dr. strangelove, aliens, matrix, 12 monkeys, war games, net, 23, Pi, pirates of silicon valley, takedown, office space, anti trust, monty python (all), LOTR, MST 3000, clerks, spinal tap, brazil, weird science, RHPS, labyrinth, willow, young frankenstein, serenity, mel brooks, shaun of the dead, tomb raider, hot fuzz

chick flicks - pretty in pink, 16 candles, romy and michelle, thelma and louise, breakfast at tiffany's, blondes do it better, pretty woman, bridget jones, moulin rouge, serendipity, pride and prejudice, little women, secret garden, grease, flash dance, foot loose, girls just want to have fun, dirty dancing, princess bride, say anything, steel magnolious, when harry met sally, benny and joon, sleepless in seatle, october skies, clueless, while you were sleeping, first wives club, jerry maguire, best friends wedding, meet joe black, stepmom, what dreams may come, never been kissed, you've got mail, notting hill, what women want, wedding planner, my big fat greek wedding

indie - 4 eyed monsters, pulp fiction, psycho, momento, se7en, american history x, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, science of sleep, monty python, resevoir dogs, hotel rawanda, kill bill, donnie darko, crash, little miss sunshine, graduate, fargo, trainspotting, big fish, terminator, big lebowski, shaun of the dead, scanner darkly, SLC punk, super troopers, royal tennenbaums, gerry, sex lies and video tape, 13, sid and nancy, ripleys games, nine queens, napoleon dynamite, chocolat, requiem for a dream, pans labyrinth, last samurai, everything is illuminated, when do we eat?, the waitress

foreign films - amelie, remember me my love, le belle et le bete, apocolypto, triplettes of belleville, halfaouine, man of ashes, la dolce vita, das boot, pans labyrinth, seven samurai, ju-on: the grudge, ringu, Quincinera, crouching tiger hidden dragon

Musicals - phantom of the opera, little shop of horrors, RHPS, wizard of oz, moulin rouge, sound of music, grease, mary poppins, annie, oklahoma, rent, duck soup, hairspray, willy wonka, west side story, south park, fiddler on the roof, music man, chicago, coffee and cigarrettes, camp, bride and prejudice, 8 crazy nights, mighty wind, school of rock, team america

Kiddie! - beauty and the beast, nightmare before christmas, corpse bride, lion king, aladdin, little mermaid, mulan, night at the museum, anastasia, emperors new groove, aristocats, cat from outter space, polar express, snowball express, nutty professor, flubber, shaggy dog, santa clause, rescuers, great mouse detective, witches, american tale, happy feet, shrek, robin hood, beetle juice, lady and the tramp, harry potter, snow white, sleeping beauty, peter pan, pinnochio, toy story, roger rabbit, monsters inc, finding nemo, princess diaries

conspiracy theory! - china town, manchurian candidate, spanish prisioner, 12 monkeys, soylent green, clock work orange, 1984, JFK, matrix, minority report, machinist, they live, equilibrium, bourne series, three days of condor, odessa files, bowling for columbine, farenheit 911, departed, omen, insider, conspiracy theory, 13 days, enemy of the state, spartan, parallax view, sneakers, V for Vendeta, shooter, domino

Ancient - 300, troy, alexander, jason and the argonauts, spartacus, gladiator, clash of the titans, king arthur, arthur, marie anntionette, elizabeth, camelot, brave heart, scarlett letter, cleopatra, chronos, robin hood prince of thieves, crucible, ying xiong, passion of the christ, the vikings, 13th warrior, lost civilizations, helen of troy, sphinx, 10 comandments

Naked Fights?

so if you read rabbits blog you already know:
we went to the army surplus
saw chuck and larry
i got almost naked (more explanation is coming)
i almost got into a fight
so the army surplus is the SHIT! i love that place already. there are some amazing boots that i have to get when i get moniez! anyway yeah that was fucking great!
chuck and larry was also fantastic. the movie was great the soundtrack was better! i knew every single song in that movie!
okay the almost got naked part.
earlier in the day i poured mountain dew on this kid levi. it was really really funny anyway later on he decided to get me back. he poured dr. pepper all over me! so i was all sticky and gross and shit. anyway it just so happened that rabbit had one of his shirts in the car. so i took off my shirt and put that one on. it came down to like my knees and they were all saying how i didn't even need pants and shit so . . . i took them off. and just chilled in the shirt till i decided that i needed to wear pants. which was good because of the whole almost fight thing.
heres the low down on that.
Mason Meyer. - if you know him hes a dick. football player, all american boy, also happened to take some of my friends down a while back. i CANNOT stand this kid! anyway he was talkin shit about this guy we were hangin with John. johns a cool guy i like him reminds me of other friends but more idk just somethin about him. anyway Mason the ass hole comes to start shit. and all i can think about is rushing this guy. taking him down and laying a few on him. but i dont.
i stand my ground in case him or one of his own throws the first punch. they dont just stand around talkin shit and throwing insults back and forth. finally we left and let Mason and his buddies go without a scratch. i swear i see that kid again in the next few weeks and he says something i WILL take him down.
anyway moving on i ran into an old buddy of mine. Luke hes a bad ass. TJ's best friend or one of them anyway. we talked and chilled for a bit. he is throwing a party this weekend and im totally going. we'll see what happens i need to let go of some aggression.
anyway yeah
oh at VI we had cheesecake topped with ice cream and hot fudge it was perfection!

Disappearance

I cannot handle a relationship right now.

I am not stable enough.

Brad and I are finally finished.

I am finally getting over that heart break.

Finally recovering from what happened.

Finally moving on.

I am single.

I am having fun.

(or at least untill this week i was)

I am just trying to get back to some normalcy.

I want my friends.

I want to be able to be JUST FRIENDS with my GUY FRIENDS!

why cant friendship be enough?

In order to figure my stuff out and let ALL of you figure yours out I am disappearing for a few days.

Don't call and expect an answer.

I will call when I have cooled off.

When I know I won't say something I'll regret.

You are all still my FRIENDS.

I still less than three you.

I'll talk to you in a few days.

Since I Got Home . . .

okay so im back.

have been for about a week now.

in that time i have:

met new people (i know already right)

learned tons about others.

had the possibility of losing 2 friends.

had way too much mountain dew.

discovered a fantastic drink.

talked to TJ twice over the phone!

purchased 3 books.

watched tons of movies.

been out of the house every day.

spent hours on end in Hot Topic.

been hired at Hot Topic.

had political discussions.

seen Transformers twice.

been to my grandparents twice (once for pics, once to swim)

had dinner with my family.

recieved new music.

been on the Monument 4-5 times.

i have not:

had a single starbucks

blogged (with the exception of Today!)

had McDonalds or other fast food (with the exception of Taco Bell which i have had everyday)

worn anything but jeans/pants.

had any real drama.

seen a lot of my friends.

so yeah thats it for now.

ill go into more detail after i get back from where ever im going.

Rabbit and I are going for a drive.

neither of us know where to yet.

so yeah call if you dont hear from us by tomorrow.

sup people!

okay so heres the lowdown!

i am in Athens right now!

its fucking bad ass!

the water is amazing! its this indego blue that i have never seen before!

italy was fantastic i loved venice, rome, assisi, and florence the most!

i got to see the sistine chapel, the statue of david, the trevi fountain and the colosseum.

olympia - in greece now - was freaking sweet. we learned about the olympic games and ran the actual track there.

everyone here is pretty sweet. i think i shall take a road trip to Indiana at some point in the next year to see Jamie - shes really cool immature but who isnt right?

i think rabbit and i are going to California at the end of July (if everything works out) only for a few days though!

we saved sea turtles today! and i got invited to come back after i turned 18 to help as a volunteer for a summer.

not next year but the summer after since i am going to China (hopefully) next summer for a few months before college.

i love it here and i almost wish i could stay. its weird to think i will be heading home in 2 days.

anyway so when i come home.

i will return by 3 pm on friday.

robert i expect you to set the following up for me!

in no particular order :

see robert

mall to see blade and other people who are working

bank 8 (with at least) skyler and sean.

VI with whoever wants to join!

see whitewater crew.

see lan group.

all of this must be done by midnight!

then i shall start over on saturday.

including Transformers, and maybe a Concert.

so there you go if im missing anything please let me know!

i miss all of you and love all of you more!

<3>

missing you!

i miss everyone so much!

seriously like i started crying today on the train

you are all so important to me and i hate that i cant be there right now!

i dont know.

i love you guys!

i miss you

stay safe and happy

i love you!

Salut!

im at my homestay right now!

its fun with the exception of loud kids who dont let me and jamie sleep.

this keyboard is all messed up so i apologize for typos.

so apparently things are pretty bad over there.

what happened to you rabbit?

is everything okay?

your not going to throw yourself off a building are you?

YOU BETTER NOT!

other wise i WILL bring you back and kill you myself!

anyway myspace doesnt work over here! right now anyway.

oh i need addresses for people i have letters and post cards to send and no addresses!

the food here is truly amazing!

i wish i could bring the chocolate back!

/me cries!

okay im better now!

so everyone had better be in the greatest mood ever when i come home!

try to get along boys!

now jamie is freaking out and punching the keys so im going to go!

LOVE YOU!

MISS YOU!

get HAPPY!

LAurEn

Bonjour!

hey!

im having a fantastic time in Paris!

i payed 5 euro to use this internet for like 15 min!

i have seen the eiffel tower, the Arc de Triumph, the Basillica, the artist area! im really tired right now its like 6 in the morning!

anyway yeah!

i love you guys and i miss you!

i will be home before you know it!

have a great day!

I LOVE YOU!

Au Revior!

I LOVE YOU!

I leave in 5 hours.

I spent today not really doing anything.

I hung out with Rabbit (of course) Skyler, Sean, Cheryl, Lori, TK, Bert, Jenny, Blade, Jeremy, Tom, Joe, and of course my bestest friend of all time BRITTANY!

I'm going to miss everyone soooo much!

TK and Bert congrats on your marriage!

Jenny have a blast in Kansas!

Ryan teach those people English in China!

Robert dont drive off any cliffs!

Brittany keep people sane for me!

people make sure you update! (blogs, email, myspace ect.)

I love all of you! (not just the people mentioned above! but everyone!)

I will be home before you know it!

Dont let too much change in my absence.

I love you with all my heart!

LAurEn DiAne

soon to be a worldly woman!

Old Friends

i just got done talking to Ryan Biehle.
hes one of my heroes.
talking to him made me feel really good.
i miss him.
hope he comes to visit when hes gets back from China!
anyway yeah that was the highlight of my day!
<3!

YAY!

PainMistress: idk....i just dont want you to feel like you have to be nice to me
PainMistress: you dont
PainMistress: i wont hold it against you
[unclan]Stealthactionman: i cant be mean to anyone
[unclan]Stealthactionman: unless im having a bad day and they do something to piss me off
PainMistress: lol
PainMistress: ...i dont know what to say other than thanks
[unclan]Stealthactionman: you could say I LOVE YOU STEPHEN
[unclan]Stealthactionman: rofl copter
PainMistress: i do i love you stephen
[unclan]Stealthactionman: no you have to say in caps
PainMistress: I LOVE YOU STEPHEN!
[unclan]Stealthactionman: yeah but now you just took to long
[unclan]Stealthactionman: ruined it
PainMistress: gawd sorry!
PainMistress: lol
PainMistress: we at least some what cool then?
[unclan]Stealthactionman: yeah
PainMistress: good *sighs in relief*

Moving On!

so.....

uhhh idk where to start.

brad texted me last night and i am sick of all of it.

he asked for something I bought with MY money. it set off some stuff for me. i dont want to deal with him anymore. i dont want him in my life. so this morning i got all the stuff together that we bought together, everything he gave me, letters, books, cd's he burned me, movies (including some of my disney movies) my promise ring. all of it.

it felt really really good.

except now i am missing half my dvd and cd collections. hell i even gave back my favorite shirt and shoes. i just want it to be over and now it will be. im not going to go to his house and shoot him. im not crazy just frustrated and annoyed. now its over

moving on to happier things.

tonight was well. interesting. somethings happend that i just i dont know. i dont know if it will be something or what. i guess we will see.

oh and im pretty sure that im totally jealous of nina and i cant really tell you why.

ummm well tonight was my last night with most of the white water crew. I will miss you guys!

tomorrow is going to be crazy.

i have to be at chelseas at 10 to print off photos for my photo album.

then i have to meet up with the LAN group.

then country jam to see taylor swift with Bee and Chels we are going all out with cowboy hats and everything!

then idk what

i am going to miss all of you sooooo much!

have a great three weeks.

dont change too much.

I Love You!

A Mix Up and Plans

some people miss read my blog from a few days ago.

you all are freaking out because you think that rabbit and i got high with sean.

we didnt.

sean was hanging out with us and when his hook up showed up WE LEFT!

to eat a Dos Hombres.

We did not get high.

We have not done drugs

Drank Alcohol or

Smoke anything including hookah.

I leave in 2 days and 3 nights.

I hope all of you have a great time while im gone.

tonight = movie night i think
tomorrow night = delta drive in. (bring $7.50 to get in. we will meet at my place at 7 to head out)
call if you want to do something.

Mom, Packing, and Tubing!

I packed today with my mom.

shes all freakin out and its starting to get irritating.

whatever.

oh and i colored my hair again

its brown now....

wierd i know

anyway I leave in 4 days! w00t!

Jeremy, Alex and I are going tubing down the river on Thursday.

if you want to come let me know I'll figure something out. maybe.

yeah so . . .

whatever

call me people.

or write.

i really dont care which.

Nothing . . . But Fun

the last two days(?) have been fun.

yesterday (Sunday) I watched a movie with my family.

weird I know.

then rabbit and I went out to the Redlands and chilled with Sean for a while.

after a while he went to go get high and we went to Dos Hombres with Garrett, Chad, Brice, and Sherrie.

after that we went to Lynwood park and fucked around for a while.

I went over to Jeremy's and apologized for lying to him.

he told me we were cool and gave me a hug!

I less than three you Jeremy and I missed you!

Rabbit and I hung there for a while talking and catching up.

oh get this Jeremy joined the Marines!

hes trying to get out of it.

thinking of playing the gay card and then getting high the day he's supposed to be at boot camp.

today (Monday) Rabbit and I got up early.

we were going to clean his house but ended up talking on LPU chat for like 2 hours instead.

then we went to Khol's and made fun of Jeremy.

after that we went to see Ocean's Thirteen.

decent movie I like it.

we went to Chopstix Express after that with Bee.

after a while Jeremy, Chelsea, Bee, Rabbit and I went swimming at my grandparents house.

then we met up with Garrett and Tony at Jeremy's house and chilled at Lynwood again.

Now I am home and about to fall asleep so night all!

see you laterz!

Actions and Thoughts

Yesterday Was Interesting.

I went shopping with my parents and Rabbit.

then Rabbit and I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, again.

I heart that movie

After the Movie we went to play pool at a pool hall with Skyler, Sean and Sean's cousin, Jenny.

At about 9:30 Rabbit and I went to the Angelic Deficiancy concert. I met the new guy who works there, Cameron. He's cool and says that since we are friends that everytime he works the door I can get in free. He's pretty bad ass.

When we got bored at the concert we went to VI and had Brownie Pie.

Around 11:30 I went home.

Thats what I did.

This is what I thought about.

Brad - we talked the other day. He hates me and always will. That makes it easier for me to move on. I don't have to think that maybe we could be cool. I can't try anymore, because there is nothing to try for.

TJ - I wrote a letter to him. I just hope that you are okay. But I really can't worry about you right now. It tears me apart.

Europe - I am so excited and scared at the same time. Being without all of the people I am close to is going to be so hard. But I promise to write/call/blog/email/IM if I get the chance.

Moving On - its going to be hard but what else can any of us do now?

Europe!

I am so tired of GJ and all the drama and shit that has been going on!
I leave in a week for Europe.
I will be gone for three weeks.
I hope everyone here figures their stuff out in that time.
When I come home I plan to apply to Mesa, concentrate on the rest of the summer and my friends.
No drama, no who's doing who, no who said what.
This is a once in a lifetime experience and I can't wait to get out there!
I will miss you all terribly but this will be an opportunity for everyone to cool off.

anyway here's my itinerary for the trip!

June 24 - fly out of GJ at 6 am. layover in DIA. fly to Munich. layover there. fly to Paris.
June 25, 26 - Paris - visit Montmartre, Eiffel Tower, Latin Quarter, Notre Dame Cathedral, and Musée du Louvre.
June 27, 28, 29 - stay with a French family.
June 30 - take a train to Italy.
July 1 - Venice - visit Basilica di San Marco, Piazza San Marco, Bridge of Sighs, ride in a gondola.
July 2 - Montecatini - on our way to Tuscany.
July 3, 4 - Assisi/Pisa/Florence - visit the Square of Miracles, The Leaning Tower, The Duomo, and the Accademia Gallery.
July 5,6 - Rome - visit the Forum and Colosseum, the Vatican, St. Peter’s Cathedral, the Piazza Navona, the Pantheon, the Spanish Steps and Trevi Fountain.
July 7 - Naples/Campania - see Mount Vesuvius.
July 8 - take a Ferry to Greece.
July 9 - Peloponnese/Olympia - see where the Olympics first took place.
July 10, 11, 12 - Athens - visit Epidaurus, Acropolis, learn Greek Dancing, then some island hopping.
July 13 (Friday dun dun dun) - head home.

oh and I don't know when exactly but we are supposed to repel down a castle/cliff! how cool is that!