How Not To Live Your Life

I am truly frustrated with my self....
i dont want to be a bother in his life
i want to respect his decision to not be with me
i want to be his friend but not one of the guys
i want to call him and hang with him but not seem desperate
i want to love him but at the same time i hate him
i want to kiss him and hold him but i want to slap him
most of all right now i miss him but i really dont want to.

any suggestions?